This is the violin piece I have been working on this summer.
More accurately stated is that this is the violin section I have been working on all summer.
If you do not speak music, and I am only learning this language as I go, this section is full of ‘double stops.’ Meaning that for 27 measures, I am playing two notes on two different strings simultaneously.
Yesterday, I was determined to finish this section. I have only 5 measures left to learn, and while practicing, a light finally clicked on inside of me. I was desperate and thankful for the illumination to see by because today, we will begin our school year in my home. Though, I believe that being a homeschooling mom is my calling for now, I often struggle with doubt and fear when I look up and see the big picture. When I look at the entire ‘piece of music’ so to speak, I become lost and overwhelmed.
Much like Peter in Matthew 14.
“In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!” But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here.”
Then Peter called to him, “Lord if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come,” Jesus said.
So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.
Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “Oh, little believing one,”(this is how my pastor translated this sentiment in a recent sermon series) Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”
In my mind, the question that resonates deep with in my soul is Jesus gently asking, “Little believing one, why did you take your eyes off of me?”
I know that when I do look away, I lose sight of the reality that He is with me, and I begin to sink into the murky, tumultuous waters of my fear. I begin to sink into the sea of inadequacy and overwhelming responsibility of educating my children. Not just their minds, but also their hearts and their spirits.
So, yesterday, when practicing I tried something a little different. (Which incidentally is the ‘something’ that my teacher has encouraged me to do since day one.) Instead of looking at my last 5 measures grouped together, I separated them measure by measure. And actually, I only practiced one measure for the entire day.
As I did that, an amazing thing happened inside of me. I felt at peace and at rest. I was breathing again. Breathing deeply and slowly. I noticed that there was a big difference between looking at this…..
compared to focusing on this…